Longer lives have added "bonus years" to marriage.A century ago, when brides and grooms vowed to stay together “till death do us part,” the average life span was just under 50 years. Today, couples walking down the aisle can look forward to a far longer future together.
These “bonus years,” as Maggie Scarf reassuringly calls them in September Songs, offer rewarding possibilities at a time when those in their mid-60s can expect to live another 20 years or more in retired togetherness.
Now, like all husbands and wives with children grown and careers winding down or finished, couples have arrived at a point where they must “refind” each other. That involves focusing on what and who really matters to them at this time of life.
No one pretends that the bonus years are perfect. Couples still disagree about retirement, the emptying nest, sex, and of course money, the prime source of marital tension. Some also face serious health issues.
With the highest divorce rate in the world, American couples need all the encouragement they can get to weather marital storms and hang on until the clouds break and the sun shines again.
Noting the pleasure he takes in this time of life, the once-frenzied David Sternberg says, “We are two people in an equal deal and not a man and a woman in an ongoing futile quarrel over who is in control of the relationship. Right now we’re basically trying to figure out how we can get the most out of each day.”
That could be a recipe for a satisfying relationship for couples at every stage, both those in their bonus years and those at the altar, solemnly promising to stay together “as long as we both shall live.”
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